Who cares about what I'm not?

[Kizzume]

EDIT: This is actually a couple weeks old, but it is still something that still affects me greatly.

I've been scared of people thinking I'm gay just by looking at me. I've been trying to look the "opposite of gay" since I was able to grow facial hair and since I experienced so much homophobia around my grandmother, my brother, and from many other people around me at that time. I thought to myself "THESE are the things that people have a hard time with about gay people, so I'll make sure that I don't represent any of those things (even though I natrually represent some of those things)." Now that I look at it, I was also trying to rebel against just about anything my grandmother pushed forth.

In a sense, I've been somewhat homophobic. An out of the closet, gay, homophobic.

I've been scared of being judged in that manner. I've learned how to be non-judgmental in a lot of areas, but the "gay" area is in an area of judgments that I never dropped.

I've always tried to be who I am in the way I act, but I have been rather false in the physical, visible image I present to people. I have been fake, false, trying to be a "bear" when it's not the way I feel, trying to look like a biker when I have no business doing such, trying to present an image that says that I'm not a pushover.

Well, I am a pushover a bit still--I guess, but not really, that's too broad of a statement: I trust too much that people will not let greed overtake them. I take too many ideas seriously. I consider things that most people consider unconsiderable. I'm often an open-minded-fool. But it's who I am, and it hasn't changed, nor do I want to become closed minded. In fact, I want to become much more open minded if I change in that regard at all.

My grandmother was pretty much the one responsible for messing up my brother and I to the point we have been. My brother rebelled at an early age and ran away 3 times by the time he was 16. I was the one who went into myself, and when I came out of the closet, I started to become rebellious.

My mother used to make comments like, "I have no problem with you being gay, but if you ever act feminine, I'll beat the crap out of you." My mother I used to be a total kissass to. My father died when I was four of a brain tumor.

Watching/being-on-guard for my grandmother 24/7 while she dies of terminal cancer has definitely been a life-altering experience. For some people, it has been taking care of a friend who is dying from something, but I think once you realize how important life is, doing something on purpose that can possibly shorten life just seems downright crazy, which leads me to my next paragraph:

I do not want to be a gainer anymore. I want good health. I don't care if people think I'm gay. I'm tired of focusing on pushing out "what I am not" and I'd like to focus more on pushing out WHAT I AM. Who cares about what I'm not?

[Kizzume]

[Hackfest]

Did you consider going to Denny's or something at the second to last picture? I would have.

[Kizzume]

LOL!! I can't stop laughing!

[jq]

I have done a lot of thinking about this kizzume, and I have a lto to say about it. But I sort of need to get my thoughts better established and make sure I know what I am talking about before I disclose my opinion.

hackfest said:

Did you consider going to Denny's or something at the second to last picture? I would have.

LoL

[jq]

Okay here is the thing. I am taking a feminism course, and you may wonder what that has to do with this. But actually, everything.

We are reading about patriarchal societies; The US is a patriarchal society. In a patrarchal society, everything is effected by a simple mentality that all which is masculine is good, and all that is feminine is bad. Hence if you want to insult a guy, you can just call him a "girly man" and you have deeply offended him. BUt why is it bad to be feminine? What is wrong with having feminine qualities? Well, in a patriarchal society, everything is wrong with it, according to this concept. This is why women hardly ever take political office; this is why when a woman DOES run for political office, especially one such as president, she is often mocked and hated, like hilliary. I have already heard so many jokes about "What wars are going to be started at that time of the month, hehe? derke derke!" I could puke!

Our society has never had a woman president before. WHy not? It all comes back to patriarchy, the concept that masculinity is good, and femininity is "weakness," and something to be mocked.

Now, I am not calling you a "girly man." And if I was, I don't believe that is a criticism anyway. But my point is, in a society such as ours, you feel reluctant, in fact, afraid, to show any signs of femininity because of how our society behaves and treats all things feminine. It isn't your fault; our society is at fault for this. But knowing why you feel this way (giving our society at least part of the blame) may help you realize why you feel this way, and help you realize how silly it is to worry about being feminine.

I think that if more people were feminine, we would have less wars, less murder, less corporate greed, and less starving children in africa. Just sayin'. I think Femininity is a great quality that we should all have at least some of if we are to be caring, open-minded, and giving people.

[Kizzume]

jq said:

Okay here is the thing. I am taking a feminism course, and you may wonder what that has to do with this. But actually, everything.

We are reading about patriarchal societies; The US is a patriarchal society. In a patrarchal society, everything is effected by a simple mentality that all which is masculine is good, and all that is feminine is bad. Hence if you want to insult a guy, you can just call him a "girly man" and you have deeply offended him. BUt why is it bad to be feminine? What is wrong with having feminine qualities? Well, in a patriarchal society, everything is wrong with it, according to this concept. This is why women hardly ever take political office; this is why when a woman DOES run for political office, especially one such as president, she is often mocked and hated, like hilliary. I have already heard so many jokes about "What wars are going to be started at that time of the month, hehe? derke derke!" I could puke!

Our society has never had a woman president before. WHy not? It all comes back to patriarchy, the concept that masculinity is good, and femininity is "weakness," and something to be mocked.

Now, I am not calling you a "girly man." And if I was, I don't believe that is a criticism anyway. But my point is, in a society such as ours, you feel reluctant, in fact, afraid, to show any signs of femininity because of how our society behaves and treats all things feminine. It isn't your fault; our society is at fault for this. But knowing why you feel this way (giving our society at least part of the blame) may help you realize why you feel this way, and help you realize how silly it is to worry about being feminine.

I think that if more people were feminine, we would have less wars, less murder, less corporate greed, and less starving children in africa. Just sayin'. I think Femininity is a great quality that we should all have at least some of if we are to be caring, open-minded, and giving people.

Good post.

There certainly would be less machoism and "I'm better than you" in the world if that was the case, and that's one of the primary forces behind war--that whole "I'm better than you" attitude.

[Ess2s2]

I dress and act how I want, simple as that. I don't care what other people think of me based on my appearance. I'll shave my head, I'll grow my facial hair out until I look homeless, I'll wear worn clothes, unusual haircuts, I'll wear tank-tops that show off my tattoos. Society has created an environment that has encouraged individuality, and has begun to look at that preservation of freedom as a mistake.

It is most prevalent in the fearful attitudes that people foster over things they do not agree with or understand. Now, let it be known that yes, I do foster some reservations. 14-year-old girls do not need to go around looking like sex objects, I say that not only as a father of a 6-year-old girl, but as a grown man who has to look at these girls coming out of our schools and wonder if they even understand the message they are giving off and of whom catches that message over the course of a day.

Aside from such issues as that, I think that people should have the freedom to express themselves in any way that makes them feel comfortable while preserving a safe environment. Along with that freedom comes a certain level of responsibility. Ergo, if you dress and act in a very individualistic manner, do not be offended when I stare at you, gaping at you from across the street as if you are a carnival attraction. I'm not hating you for what you are, or persecuting you. I am openly curious and amazed, and I figure that if you are presenting yourself in such a way, then you understand the attention it will garner and welcome and accept such attention.

When I grow out my beard for a week without even trimming it and then wear my comfortable, raggedy clothes and then go to my daughter's elementary school to pick her up, I am self-aware enough to know my image may attract some stares from some of the other parents. Of course, the school staff and some of the parents of my daughter's classmates know me well, and they greet me openly no matter how I dress. Many have had the opportunity to see me cleanly groomed and nicely dressed, and have come to understand that the way I dress has no bearing on who I am or how I raise my children.

Coming full circle, tolerance is easy to speak about, and difficult to practice. The two concepts are neither mutually exclusive, nor unconditionally bound. I'll find myself staring just as much as I will temper someone else's irrational reaction, it is simply human nature. The ideal is a careful balance we should all seek to achieve. Live and let live, but also tolerate and be tolerated.

[Kizzume]

That was a really great post.